Saturday, October 24, 2009

Ninety Days

It's late and I'm tired. But I'm going to try something that I've not really tried before: Structure.

Since it "works if you work it" and I used again yesterday, I think it's time to work it.

To the four or five people who read this blog and know me personally, I haven't told everyone yet that I'm starting over, again. Tonight I told my Friday night group and my sponsor. And now I'm telling you. That's all I can handle for today.

So without fanfare or drama or swearing or crying, this is my plan, based on the suggestions of those wiser than me:

Ninety meetings in ninety days.
A phone call a day, to my sponsor or another friend in recovery.
Continued service in my Tuesday and Friday meetings.
Daily quiet time that includes each of these things: reading from my recovery bible, reading from recovery literature, written step-work, prayer, and my daily inventory.

These are the things I am going to do whether I feel like it or not. (What a concept!) I must do them because I can't stay sober without them, and if I don't learn to stay sober, I am going to lose my family and my job. I am going to lose Linsey, and I adore Linsey. She is the joy of my life.

Of course, there are many other pieces that I need to fit into my life. It helps me to be here in blogland most days, either posting or reading your blogs. I am overwhelmed at your kind and helpful comments and your encouragement. So I'd like to try to post most days for the next few months. (To do this, I probably need to post slightly shorter, less cerebral posts.) I want to spend more time with my kids. I need to eat better and get off the couch more. These are all important, but not as important as the non-negotiables listed above.

I'm not just an addict. I know there's something here worth saving.


  1. Yes, you are worth saving Eli.
    I had many slips. Many. I remember the overwhelming guilt and shame. Running to my confessor.
    That thing inside that wants to be fed yet is never satisfied, that thing that really wants to devour you, it will not always run the show. It won't.
    You are on your way.

  2. Good for you. The world will be a better place if you're in it.

  3. It sounds like a strong plan - I look forward to reading more of your posts.

  4. sometimes when I feel I am at the starting over point in my life, my program it helps if I can remind myself that I can only do the best I can do for today.

    Wishing you the very best in your day Eli.

  5. Eli, Howdy!

    God Who made you never will give up, so you should not either, nor I, nor we.

    However, for all your worthiness in "working" the program, something is NOT working.

    Consider that God may have someone in mind for you to help, a real low-bottom type--so that you have to suffer that before you'll get it.

    OTOH, here is an idea which works for many: Instead of me making and setting my own goals for survival, ask your sponsor to lay out ON PAPER, a schedule of daily activities--which could possibly be a speck more conservative read: FEWER ITEMS) than your own lists?

    I'm gonna be blogging a bit on this sponsor/sponsee topic.


  6. Hi Eli,

    When I left treatment, they gave me a list of things to do and promised me that if I would follow that list I would stay clean and sober.

    There were times when it was so hard to follow that list. To keep the structure in my life. That list is similar to the structure you are proposing. There were times when that list saved my life.

    I think that is what it means when the big book talks about the right use of will power. Will power will not keep me sober, but I can use will power to do the things that will keep me sober.

    "One day at a time" is a powerful slogan. Good tool to use.


  7. You are worth saving dear friend. 24 hours at a time. Get through one day at a time. Definitely do the 90 meetings in 90 days. Do it for no other reason than you want this for yourself.

    Only you can break the chain this addiction has over you. I'll be here as often as you post cheering you on. (Hugs)Indigo

  8. You are definitely worth saving, Eli! I like your plan(s). I often think that with my son- his recovery is his "medicine," and once he stops his "medicine," he gets sick again. Just like a diabetic needing insulin, but in this case it's working the steps, therapy, or whatever helps you stay sober. Prayers and best wishes- always.

  9. Keep at it Eli and take good care of yourself. I admire your courage in posting about what has happened.

  10. Many, many thanks. Today is a good day.

  11. yay you!

    if any of my e/s/h helps i find that ending my day w/ reading instead of starting it works for me - if i woke up late it hung over my head all day - i always have to end my day - so it's the only consistency i have. i have linked over 10 years of odaat together doing just that.

    prayers for you as i type.

  12. are more than worth saving...we all are...just one day at a time and remember that some days are goig to be better than others and when we don't get to all, don't go back to all or nothing thinking, it's just a matter of remembering that we are worth it and that we alcholics are an undisciplined lot as the BB adding structure is always a good move, I have found that for me routine doesn't mean complacency, but freedom.

    Much love to you!

  13. of course there's something worth saving... YOU! you have a great plan, and 90 days, and these 90 days can multiply and multiply to any number you wish them to be. prayers and love for you!

  14. Eli, you are smart, kind, and sincere. Being an addict does not negate those traits. My Andrew is an addict, but when sober he contributes compassion and his own uniqueness to the world. Remember to like yourself, and use all the support you have. It would be a small and lonely world if everyone were perfect.

  15. You are definitely worth saving! Your plans sounds good. Just for today, one day at a time. I am prayin for you and thinking good thoughts. You do matter so so much. Keep that in your heart.

  16. Eli, I wish the best for you. I hope that you know people are pulling for you and sobriety. Take care of yourself.

  17. I love you, Eli. I'm proud of you for the choices your making today! -- ff

  18. Knowing there is something worth saving and knowing what you have to do are two huge pieces. Keep it up. Do the things you said, like you said, like it or not. Take suggestions and remain willing and teachable. If I can do this you can too. Peace my friend.

  19. Left an award for you over at my blog. You were the first person who came to my mind when I was told the rules of the game. Go check it out....