Saturday, August 21, 2010


Today I met with some program friends and talked about my triggers. This is very difficult, but I think might be one of the missing pieces. I'll have this conversation out of the way next time and I can just say "that thing happened" when I make the call, which should make it a little easier to pick up the phone.

An Irish Friend of Bill shared this with me today. Thanks!

I am Your Disease

I hate meetings.
I hate your higher power.
I hate anyone who has a program.

To all who come in contact with me,
I wish you suffering and death.

Allow me to introduce myself...
I am the disease of addiction.

Alcoholism, drugs and eating disorders.
I am cunning, baffling and powerful. Thats me!

I've killed millions and enjoyed doing it.
I love to catch you by surprise.
I love pretending I'm your friend and lover.
I've given you comfort.
Wasn't I there when you were lonely?

When you wanted to die, didn't you call on me?

I love to make you hurt.
I love to make you cry. Better yet...
I love it when I make you so numb,
You can't hurt and you can't cry.
You feel nothing at all.

I give you instant gratification.
All I ask for in return is long term suffering.
I've always been there for you.

When things were going right, you invited me back.
You said you didn't deserve to be happy.
I agreed with you.
Together we were able to destroy your life.

People don't take me seriously.
They take strokes seriously.
They take heart attacks seriously.
Even diabetes, they take seriously.
Yet, without my help, these things wouldn't be possible.

I'm such a hated disease, yet I don't come uninvited.
You choose to have me.
Many have chosen me, instead of love and peace.

I hate all of you who work a 12step program.
Your program, your meetings, and your higher power weaken me.
I can't function in the manner I am accustomed to.

I am your disease.
For now I must lie here quietly.
You don't see me, but I'm growing more powerful everyday.

When you settle for mere existence, I thrive.
When you feel fully alive, I weaken.
But I'm always here waiting for you.

Until we meet again,
I wish you continued suffering and death.


  1. Make the call next time,Eli. Tell your sponsor if you even feel like using.

  2. That is very powerful. Wow. Just for today Eli...keep on keepin on.

  3. Glad you liked it Eli. I did too when I first heard it, but yeah, Syd is right, inspiring words are all very nice, but they don't stop people drinking themselves to death unless the alcoholic picks up the tools and uses them, so please try to go to any lengths to pick up the phone before you pick up the drink/drug.
    when pppl have troble picking up the phone I usually arrange a time for them to call every day. this gets them in to the habit of calling. Callas can only take 5 mins or so if you want, but it gets the habit going. and thats all recovery is really, just learning some new habits.

    Try asking yr sponsor if you can arrange a time to call him for 5 mins every day. preferably in the morning. if he is busy some day, arrange a 5 min call at a different time or with another person who will calmly tell you how to get well.

    I always give sponsees the '6 things' to do every day, the same way it was 'suggested' :) that I do them every day. I fond they work extremely well. Best of luck. Keep on keepin on.

    The Six Things

  4. Having just lost the woman of my dreams because I cheated on her, the lines that resonate most with me are:
    I give you instant gratification.
    All I ask for in return is long term suffering.
    I have a new blog at: